feeling
taking a chance, seems so unpredictable. you'll be treated as if you'll expect much for it but knowing it much deeper, well, it's not a chance. you're just special as what THEY say. whoever i wanted to be with seem so obvious. as of now that it's not a chance. well, specifically i misinterpret things.
here at work, well, i work here for personal needs of course i work so ican enhance my skills, knowledge intellectual broadening, but i've never expected to feel empty. no one to talk to. very narrow thinkings that i dont only work for that, but also to fullfill the things that i've missed, like friends or even a love from someone SPECIAL.
here i found some but they've been not that much to handle. of course some people would want someone to talk to about certain things in life, like a certain topic that they would be interested with. let me give a situation. certain group of people were talking about something that they're knowledgeable about, which i'm not. so the tendency would be i'll just shut up just grab a smoke just to feel i'm doing something so i won't be out of place. i would only speak if something i know would be related to the topic. of course you wouldn't speak with a different topic, because it would certainly show a hundred percent that you don't know what they're talking about. ok, so blah, blah, blah, blah..... until everybody would laugh and would even give their own points of view. you would feel like, ok can i go now?. it's a sudden freeze that i wouldn't know how to react.
so it's been a year, two months and twenty-three days working in the same office. well found friends, with my same reaction, don't know where to start the conversation. the same old work fairy tales, whatsoever. they would tell a topic that me, myself don't know that i would say to myself, hey i don't know that. can you feed me some knowledge. huh! good luck overmaster ly. those friends would be the people that i hangout with. so they're not just 2 but more than 2. they would open a topic about certain things, which well i would just look outside the window and say, ok so how's life overmaster ly. are you alright? well to cut it short, i don't know what they're topic is. i would just grab again a smoke and ok whatever!
well before those people found a new friend. she was the only person that i always hang out with. she's nice, she's there to talk with. but left after several months. ok, so alone again. after that found another friend and she's nice very fun to be with. we both would exagerate certain situations and laugh out loud that would others notice. then another one. she's there and the first time i saw her it was a big WOW. i don't know if she felt that too. she would say that she don't have a bf and that no one attempts to court her because she would say that she's boyinsh. but i don't find her boyish or something and that i fell for her, that me myself don't know where to start or how to deal with it. too scared to tell her because i don't want to loose our friendship and stuff.
well i find her simple, smart, beautiful and refined. she would laugh at me whenever i tell a joke. so until we go along, everything seem so right. but once i was promoted, i hardly missed her and that i wanted to see her everyday. i would think about her and send her messages just to keep in touch with her. actually there was this time that i went to her just to know how she's feeling and stuff, but she was sick. so i was worried. the most touching part there was when she wanted me to assist her to somewhere she'll be comfortable sitting. well it was touching that she embraces my hands. felt like she's my girlfriend. hehehe. whatever! that's one thing that i felt WOW!
ok so tried calling her to ask how she's feeling and what had happened when she consulted the doctor. she said that i was right. my first diagnosis with her was i think a muscle got stuck or something. well i'm searching for the words inside my head. so i'm pretty flattered not because of i was right with my diagnosis but she thanked me and she appreciates me in calling her and asking how she feels.
after several days, nights i've received her email indicating a certain problem that she has now. it's something spiritual and a matter of monsters and ghosts. she said that she was haunted by some spirit maniac being. so i said yeah right are you kidding me. well definitely it is so true. so i began to worry and told her several things that she could do to protect herself. it's scary and nerve breaking to experience what she's experiencing. well somehow she's feeling alright.
yesterday i found out on this blog about the journal that she had created. i've read the most recent one that she had created. she was indicating about a guy a year younger to her that is falling in love to her. actually she said on that journal that she already forsees what that guy is feeling. hmmmm, i wonder if she could also sense what i feel for her. well, i guess not, because i'm numb. i don't even show to her what i'm feeling and as if she's gonna notice it. i'm wondering when will be the auspicious time for me to tell her how much i like her. well time can tell and i really need an auspicious sign for that. i just opened an email account and this account has a free astrology thing on the main page and just wanna share what was stated on my horoscope. here:
"You feel the waves start to settle down inside you. The celestial weather is an auspicious sign for your journey, so don't hesitate to take the first step. Whether your travels are internal or external, you can anticipate a day of smooth sailing. This is a good time to make those difficult decisions you've been putting off. Your head is clear, and your thoughts are focused. Tonight, bring along at least one other person to make it a honeymoon."
well is it a coincidence or it's telling me something that i should act now! who knows.
here at work, well, i work here for personal needs of course i work so ican enhance my skills, knowledge intellectual broadening, but i've never expected to feel empty. no one to talk to. very narrow thinkings that i dont only work for that, but also to fullfill the things that i've missed, like friends or even a love from someone SPECIAL.
here i found some but they've been not that much to handle. of course some people would want someone to talk to about certain things in life, like a certain topic that they would be interested with. let me give a situation. certain group of people were talking about something that they're knowledgeable about, which i'm not. so the tendency would be i'll just shut up just grab a smoke just to feel i'm doing something so i won't be out of place. i would only speak if something i know would be related to the topic. of course you wouldn't speak with a different topic, because it would certainly show a hundred percent that you don't know what they're talking about. ok, so blah, blah, blah, blah..... until everybody would laugh and would even give their own points of view. you would feel like, ok can i go now?. it's a sudden freeze that i wouldn't know how to react.
so it's been a year, two months and twenty-three days working in the same office. well found friends, with my same reaction, don't know where to start the conversation. the same old work fairy tales, whatsoever. they would tell a topic that me, myself don't know that i would say to myself, hey i don't know that. can you feed me some knowledge. huh! good luck overmaster ly. those friends would be the people that i hangout with. so they're not just 2 but more than 2. they would open a topic about certain things, which well i would just look outside the window and say, ok so how's life overmaster ly. are you alright? well to cut it short, i don't know what they're topic is. i would just grab again a smoke and ok whatever!
well before those people found a new friend. she was the only person that i always hang out with. she's nice, she's there to talk with. but left after several months. ok, so alone again. after that found another friend and she's nice very fun to be with. we both would exagerate certain situations and laugh out loud that would others notice. then another one. she's there and the first time i saw her it was a big WOW. i don't know if she felt that too. she would say that she don't have a bf and that no one attempts to court her because she would say that she's boyinsh. but i don't find her boyish or something and that i fell for her, that me myself don't know where to start or how to deal with it. too scared to tell her because i don't want to loose our friendship and stuff.
well i find her simple, smart, beautiful and refined. she would laugh at me whenever i tell a joke. so until we go along, everything seem so right. but once i was promoted, i hardly missed her and that i wanted to see her everyday. i would think about her and send her messages just to keep in touch with her. actually there was this time that i went to her just to know how she's feeling and stuff, but she was sick. so i was worried. the most touching part there was when she wanted me to assist her to somewhere she'll be comfortable sitting. well it was touching that she embraces my hands. felt like she's my girlfriend. hehehe. whatever! that's one thing that i felt WOW!
ok so tried calling her to ask how she's feeling and what had happened when she consulted the doctor. she said that i was right. my first diagnosis with her was i think a muscle got stuck or something. well i'm searching for the words inside my head. so i'm pretty flattered not because of i was right with my diagnosis but she thanked me and she appreciates me in calling her and asking how she feels.
after several days, nights i've received her email indicating a certain problem that she has now. it's something spiritual and a matter of monsters and ghosts. she said that she was haunted by some spirit maniac being. so i said yeah right are you kidding me. well definitely it is so true. so i began to worry and told her several things that she could do to protect herself. it's scary and nerve breaking to experience what she's experiencing. well somehow she's feeling alright.
yesterday i found out on this blog about the journal that she had created. i've read the most recent one that she had created. she was indicating about a guy a year younger to her that is falling in love to her. actually she said on that journal that she already forsees what that guy is feeling. hmmmm, i wonder if she could also sense what i feel for her. well, i guess not, because i'm numb. i don't even show to her what i'm feeling and as if she's gonna notice it. i'm wondering when will be the auspicious time for me to tell her how much i like her. well time can tell and i really need an auspicious sign for that. i just opened an email account and this account has a free astrology thing on the main page and just wanna share what was stated on my horoscope. here:
"You feel the waves start to settle down inside you. The celestial weather is an auspicious sign for your journey, so don't hesitate to take the first step. Whether your travels are internal or external, you can anticipate a day of smooth sailing. This is a good time to make those difficult decisions you've been putting off. Your head is clear, and your thoughts are focused. Tonight, bring along at least one other person to make it a honeymoon."
well is it a coincidence or it's telling me something that i should act now! who knows.
posted by ly at 9:31 AM
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